Photo of Louis and I on our first few days out of hospital
We are mere days away from meeting our little girl and I am giddy with nerves. Partly terrified, partly excited, there is no turning back!
When we were initially talking about trying for a second child I was consumed with the worry that I wouldn't be able to find any more reserves of love. I love our son Louis so truly and deeply that I couldn't fathom how my heart could find any more love for another child. Does your love for your first child split in two? does it lessen in order to make room for a sibling? I really didn't want for Louis to feel that he was receiving less love than before and all of this love turmoil nearly made me think for a second that I'd settle with one child.
Of course, my mother and many other experienced mothers laughed and said but of course you have enough love for a second and that your heart just finds a way to make even more Love for your second (and third and fourth etc) little one. I wonder if I'm the only one to have these mad thoughts?
I wouldn't say that we have followed any specific 'attachment parenting' rules we are a very affectionate family, kissing and hugging is very important chez nous and I feel very close to my son. We take naps together in the afternoon (a very guilty treat throughout this pregnancy), we take baths together, we go for long walks together, we have dance-offs in the living room and Lou can do a mean karaoke like no-one else, he always comes straight in for a cuddle in the morning when he wakes and he is the only child who exclaims gleefully,'Papa', 'Mama' at the school gates when we go pick him up at midday. It is unrealistic to expect that I can nurture a newborn and still have enough energy reserves to maintain all of our little rituals but I do have this mad notion that in our newborn fog that we can still fit in cuddles and stories.
Even as I write this I have a lump in my throat, panic setting in again and I'm thinking "crap, I only have a few days left, what am I doing typing on a computer when I should be out planning fun stuff to do with Louis before his sister arrives and takes over". I am sorely tempted to go jailbreak him from school and envelope him in a hug and never let him go.
A wise woman told me, Love doesn’t divide, It multiplies! I just have to remember that and it calms the panic!